How to get out of a works' do?

wannabe · 8th February 2010, 06:52 PM

I don't want to go to a work do.

The office is small and it's a tight-knit group. The team originally decided to go to an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet. I said no because I didn't like that buffet place. The office has now decided to go to a chinese restaurant that I said I liked instead.

I still don't want to go.

Reasons:

1. I don't like going to chinese restaurants with gwei lo. I have done this before and it was traumatic. We ended up eating sweet and sour chicken, special fried rice and other takeaway classics. I don't want to go to my favourite restaurant and eat takeaway food.

2. I don't want to go clubbing with my colleagues afterwards. I am not very good with alcohol (and I know they will pressure me into drinking) and I don't want to drink with colleagues as it is still a work situation after-all.

3. It's a leaving do for the office manager. I don't like her and feel two-faced about going.

I don't know how to get out of this works' do now that they changed the venue based upon my suggestion. I want to find a plausible excuse that allows me to withdraw without being awkward.

Help.

pkkc · 8th February 2010, 07:26 PM

Maybe you shouldn't? Work do is a good opportunity for bonding and team building. It will be great fun as long as people don't get too drunk.

You don't like to eat takeaway food in a Chinese restaurant, how about suggest 1 or 2 dishes to your colleagues? You like the restaurant and you probably have a favourite dish or two.

You don't like clubbing and drinking, maybe you still spend a short time there before you make an early exit? You can always choose a low alcohol drink?

Even you don't like your departing colleague, refusing to go to the leaving party can make your feeling explicit, and may affect your relationship with the remaining colleague. Furthermore, who knows you and this departing manager may meet again in the future?

Regards,

pkkc

kinith · 8th February 2010, 07:28 PM

If you are guy I'd tell you to man up.

If you're a girl I would tell you that you shouldn't have shagged the office idiot last year.

aiyakeichi · 8th February 2010, 07:31 PM

Like Joey from friends... "Family emergency"

Noone can argue and you don't have to say what it is.

Col_Ma · 8th February 2010, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aiyakeichi

Like Joey from friends... "Family emergency"

Noone can argue and you don't have to say what it is.

I'd use that too

great minds think alike

Samantha · 8th February 2010, 08:35 PM

You should go, because even though it is someone else's leaving do, they are being very considerate and accommodating to your needs by switching their choice of activity and venue.
Not only will it be a chance to socialise with your colleagues and get to know them better out of work, it will make you look more gracious and a good sport by attending your manager's sending off (plus you can secretly do the happy dance inside to celebrate her leaving!)

The clubbing and drinking problem is a tricky one, maybe you can pace the drinks out with plenty of non-alcoholic beverages?

Jack Slack · 8th February 2010, 10:28 PM

i think you don't want to go because basically you don't like them.

sumyanguy · 8th February 2010, 11:03 PM

it actually sounds like your colleagues have been quite considerate by changing venues because of you. no body will be going for the food just try to enjoy the company of the people you spend most of your days with. think of it as a celebration of the departure of the manager you dislike.

ok i think i just repeated what samantha said.

Fatty · 8th February 2010, 11:11 PM

i would say you should just go to it, you might actually enjoy yourself, everyone is more relaxed outside of work, that was really nice and considerate of them to change the venue, by you still rejecting the offer, it's like a slap in the face tbh. BUT as your not actually asking for advice on whether to go or not, back to the question, keep it nice and simple when lying, "somethings come up so i wont be able to go" most people will simply accept that answer without digging for further info.

Satie · 8th February 2010, 11:27 PM

Maybe the same way most get out of going to work at all.

richardchan · 8th February 2010, 11:50 PM

To be honest I think you have the wrong outlook on life. If you didn't want to go in the first place I think you would have been more clever and just said from the start so you wouldn't be in this 'dilemma'. It sounds as though you are still in two minds whether to go or not.

And I would agree with other members that you should consider going. What I don't understand is you gave a preferred choice of restaurant yet you think you aren't going to like the food? That doesn't add up. It's like saying I love KFC but I'm not going to eat the chicken. Is your diet exclusively sharks fin, bao yu and ducks feet or something? I can't believe you were traumatised before. It's only for one night, surely whatever they serve isn't going to kill you? Do you have special dietary requirements or something?

And even if you feel two-faced, if office politics are involved you should just turn up as I expect you will only being see your manager for that one last time, just one night to keep a straight face, then you'll have the rest of your life to hate her.

Sorry if what I just said sounds mean, but I would love to have a night out with colleagues, and if they were colleagues I hated, if they are paying for the night out all the better; I can quietly take the p1s5 out of them.

If you still really don't want to go, I think you should just make up a suitable excuse and just don't go. Say you already had made plans or something. Remember not to do something silly like post up a Facebook status saying "bored at home!"

chiwai · 9th February 2010, 12:55 AM

develop a really bad B.O. problem. they probably wont invite you then....

Lily Stargazer · 9th February 2010, 12:56 AM

How about a compromise? Go for the meal. You won't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to-be assertive. I've never known anyone force alcohol on people. But then don't go clubbing. You can always say you're too tired or have a family/friend commitment.

If it's a small team your absence will be very noticeable. And you may find you enjoy the evening (OK, you know it won't be amazing, and you might not be impressed with the food). But you could at least try it. Then have a bitching session with your (non-work related) friends afterwards! And then pat yourself on the back for being mature about this.

I do sympathise. I know it's not easy when you don't really like your colleagues. But it may help make things easier for you at work. Unless you are convincing about having a "family emergency" they may perceive you as stuck up and distant. Totally up to you. Personally, I recommend being brave and going along.

Best of luck.

Monkeyninja · 9th February 2010, 02:46 AM

Easy! Say you have to pick something up and you'll meet them after the meal, in the club just say your driving. Personally I'd go, play the game and really be insistant about not drinking. They should understand, if they don't they're d!cks!

Rosie Chan · 9th February 2010, 02:58 PM

I would definitely go to the dinner as your colleagues might get the hump with you since they are going along with your choice of restuarant. Once you're there, you might even enjoy it - I'm assuming that you get along with your other colleagues even though you're not keen on the manager who's leaving? As for clubbing, just tell them you've got an early start the next day or something. If you attend the dinner, no one can accuse you of not making the effort!!

8th February 2010, 06:52 PM	#1
wannabe Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Planet pop Posts: 8	How to get out of a works' do? I don't want to go to a work do. The office is small and it's a tight-knit group. The team originally decided to go to an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet. I said no because I didn't like that buffet place. The office has now decided to go to a chinese restaurant that I said I liked instead. I still don't want to go. Reasons: 1. I don't like going to chinese restaurants with gwei lo. I have done this before and it was traumatic. We ended up eating sweet and sour chicken, special fried rice and other takeaway classics. I don't want to go to my favourite restaurant and eat takeaway food. 2. I don't want to go clubbing with my colleagues afterwards. I am not very good with alcohol (and I know they will pressure me into drinking) and I don't want to drink with colleagues as it is still a work situation after-all. 3. It's a leaving do for the office manager. I don't like her and feel two-faced about going. I don't know how to get out of this works' do now that they changed the venue based upon my suggestion. I want to find a plausible excuse that allows me to withdraw without being awkward. Help.

8th February 2010, 07:26 PM	#2
pkkc Delay no more Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: London Posts: 3,488	Re: How to get out of a works' do? Maybe you shouldn't? Work do is a good opportunity for bonding and team building. It will be great fun as long as people don't get too drunk. You don't like to eat takeaway food in a Chinese restaurant, how about suggest 1 or 2 dishes to your colleagues? You like the restaurant and you probably have a favourite dish or two. You don't like clubbing and drinking, maybe you still spend a short time there before you make an early exit? You can always choose a low alcohol drink? Even you don't like your departing colleague, refusing to go to the leaving party can make your feeling explicit, and may affect your relationship with the remaining colleague. Furthermore, who knows you and this departing manager may meet again in the future? Regards, pkkc __________________ "Liberty is the first victim of the war fought in its name."

8th February 2010, 07:28 PM	#3
kinith Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Harrow Posts: 10,776	Re: How to get out of a works' do? If you are guy I'd tell you to man up. If you're a girl I would tell you that you shouldn't have shagged the office idiot last year.

8th February 2010, 07:31 PM	#4
aiyakeichi Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: London Posts: 355	Re: How to get out of a works' do? Like Joey from friends... "Family emergency" Noone can argue and you don't have to say what it is. __________________

8th February 2010, 08:35 PM	#6
Samantha Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: UK Posts: 2,263	Re: How to get out of a works' do? You should go, because even though it is someone else's leaving do, they are being very considerate and accommodating to your needs by switching their choice of activity and venue. Not only will it be a chance to socialise with your colleagues and get to know them better out of work, it will make you look more gracious and a good sport by attending your manager's sending off (plus you can secretly do the happy dance inside to celebrate her leaving!) The clubbing and drinking problem is a tricky one, maybe you can pace the drinks out with plenty of non-alcoholic beverages? __________________ blub

8th February 2010, 10:28 PM	#7
Jack Slack Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: . Posts: 1,109	Re: How to get out of a works' do? i think you don't want to go because basically you don't like them.

8th February 2010, 11:03 PM	#8
sumyanguy Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Didcot Posts: 974	Re: How to get out of a works' do? it actually sounds like your colleagues have been quite considerate by changing venues because of you. no body will be going for the food just try to enjoy the company of the people you spend most of your days with. think of it as a celebration of the departure of the manager you dislike. ok i think i just repeated what samantha said. __________________ I hope future further studies can prove this © 2009 Sumyanguy

8th February 2010, 11:11 PM	#9
Fatty Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: London Posts: 247	Re: How to get out of a works' do? i would say you should just go to it, you might actually enjoy yourself, everyone is more relaxed outside of work, that was really nice and considerate of them to change the venue, by you still rejecting the offer, it's like a slap in the face tbh. BUT as your not actually asking for advice on whether to go or not, back to the question, keep it nice and simple when lying, "somethings come up so i wont be able to go" most people will simply accept that answer without digging for further info.

8th February 2010, 11:27 PM	#10
Satie Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: London Posts: 367	Re: How to get out of a works' do? Maybe the same way most get out of going to work at all.

8th February 2010, 11:50 PM	#11
richardchan Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: - Posts: 8,716	Re: How to get out of a works' do? To be honest I think you have the wrong outlook on life. If you didn't want to go in the first place I think you would have been more clever and just said from the start so you wouldn't be in this 'dilemma'. It sounds as though you are still in two minds whether to go or not. And I would agree with other members that you should consider going. What I don't understand is you gave a preferred choice of restaurant yet you think you aren't going to like the food? That doesn't add up. It's like saying I love KFC but I'm not going to eat the chicken. Is your diet exclusively sharks fin, bao yu and ducks feet or something? I can't believe you were traumatised before. It's only for one night, surely whatever they serve isn't going to kill you? Do you have special dietary requirements or something? And even if you feel two-faced, if office politics are involved you should just turn up as I expect you will only being see your manager for that one last time, just one night to keep a straight face, then you'll have the rest of your life to hate her. Sorry if what I just said sounds mean, but I would love to have a night out with colleagues, and if they were colleagues I hated, if they are paying for the night out all the better; I can quietly take the p1s5 out of them. If you still really don't want to go, I think you should just make up a suitable excuse and just don't go. Say you already had made plans or something. Remember not to do something silly like post up a Facebook status saying "bored at home!" __________________ --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

9th February 2010, 12:55 AM	#12
chiwai do you re- Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: looga barooga Posts: 7,488	Re: How to get out of a works' do? develop a really bad B.O. problem. they probably wont invite you then.... __________________ skip some school, play some pool, act real cool.

9th February 2010, 12:56 AM	#13
Lily Stargazer Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Boulevard of Broken Dreams Posts: 621	Re: How to get out of a works' do? How about a compromise? Go for the meal. You won't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to-be assertive. I've never known anyone force alcohol on people. But then don't go clubbing. You can always say you're too tired or have a family/friend commitment. If it's a small team your absence will be very noticeable. And you may find you enjoy the evening (OK, you know it won't be amazing, and you might not be impressed with the food). But you could at least try it. Then have a bitching session with your (non-work related) friends afterwards! And then pat yourself on the back for being mature about this. I do sympathise. I know it's not easy when you don't really like your colleagues. But it may help make things easier for you at work. Unless you are convincing about having a "family emergency" they may perceive you as stuck up and distant. Totally up to you. Personally, I recommend being brave and going along. Best of luck.

9th February 2010, 02:46 AM	#14
Monkeyninja Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 1,638	Re: How to get out of a works' do? Easy! Say you have to pick something up and you'll meet them after the meal, in the club just say your driving. Personally I'd go, play the game and really be insistant about not drinking. They should understand, if they don't they're d!cks!

9th February 2010, 02:58 PM	#15
Rosie Chan Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Richmond, South West London Posts: 304	Re: How to get out of a works' do? I would definitely go to the dinner as your colleagues might get the hump with you since they are going along with your choice of restuarant. Once you're there, you might even enjoy it - I'm assuming that you get along with your other colleagues even though you're not keen on the manager who's leaving? As for clubbing, just tell them you've got an early start the next day or something. If you attend the dinner, no one can accuse you of not making the effort!!